IVF and Everything That Goes Along with It…From the Military Point of View

I’m definitely not the most knowledgeable when it comes to IVF and fertility issues.  I don’t know what all the lingo means.  I don’t know what my levels were (I didn’t keep track).  I barely had an understanding of what my body was going to go through…I just lived through it.

But these are the things that we thought were most important to share…

The first was the cost (this in no way is a pity party or a cry for help, but it is knowledge that we didn’t have to begin with)…Army insurance does not cover IVF.  All diagnostic testing is covered and some of the medications.  What’s not covered is the aspiration that Hubster had to endure, since there was a blockage from his previous reversal, and the freezing of his sperm; the egg retrieval; the transfer of the embryos; the freezing of any extra embryos; and the actual fertility (FSH) medications.  The medications surprised me the most…if we were going through any other fertility procedure (IVF was the only option due to the aspiration – the sperm are not mature enough to fertilize the egg on their own, so they had to have help), all of the medication is covered.  It’s.all.the.same.medication!  But for whatever reason, they don’t cover it for IVF.  In all, we’ve paid about $20,000.  We are blessed in the fact that we could afford to do this and pay cash, but in doing it through private pay, there’s no program for a guarantee for success.  There are financing programs available, and they offer multiple time options, and some allow you to try until there is success.  We chose to not go into any more debt…but that’s just us.  We had full confidence and faith that we would only have to do this once.

The amount of doctor’s appointments was staggering!  At one point, I drove 8 days straight down to Nashville, just to have my blood drawn and an ultrasound.  I understand that people make this drive every day for work…and I used to commute that long as well…but at least for work I would have been there for hours and not 15 minutes!  My body did not appreciate having to give blood that much either.  I’ve completely lost track of how many times I had to have blood drawn.  And for my body, this is not an easy process as my veins are small and they tend to roll, which causes the need for “fishing”.  The one thing I can say about the woman who had to stick me so many times – she’s AMAZING and NEVER needed to “fish”!

But we can thankfully and blessedly say that this was amazingly successful for us!!!  We only had 3 embryos to transfer (none to freeze), and ALL of them “stuck”!!!  We are going to be parents of TRIPLETS!!!!!!!! (I have to keep saying this so that my brain understands what’s really happening!!!)

 

How Do You Keep the Coming True of Your Dreams a Secret????

How the heck do you keep yourself from shouting from the rooftops when one of your biggest dreams comes true??   You have a very close group of friends and family that you can tell everything to!  And they are completely sworn to secrecy!!! (Though I found out they weren’t all that great at keeping the secret…but I can’t fault them…they’re going to be Grandparents 🙂 )

This group of people has known since day one what was happening.  Through all the appointments, and needle pokes, and crying through not so sad movies, and the fact that I started peeing on sticks 2 days before the first set of blood work (which BTW was positive!!!).  The Hubster, My BFF, Mom, and I even had a secret board on Pinterest so that we could share ideas of baby planning without giving people an idea of what was up!  I even wrote all the blogs and just saved them until we decided to tell people.  This way I could remember everything I was going through and the hubster would be able to know as much information as possible.

I originally wanted this to be a MUCH smaller group of people…but Mom talked me into telling more people (mainly family), so that there were more people praying…and of course, I couldn’t keep any of this information from the Army – they’re kind of strange like that.  The biggest reason I wanted to keep the IVF and pregnancy a secret was because I didn’t want all the questions.  And if this weren’t to work, I didn’t want to have to tell my disappointment to a gazillion people.

And let’s be honest…I’m not really that good at keeping secrets…especially this one…so I took to telling complete strangers 🙂 I’m not really proud of this fact, but when you’ve had 2 ½ years of disappointments and “no’s”…it’s really nice to be able to tell someone “yes” even if they don’t care!

But let’s face it…I apparently can’t keep things to myself too long either…which is why I only lasted 9 weeks 😉

 

How I Got Pregnant ;)

Usually, this story is one that’s very private.  Everyone knows how it happens, but people rarely ever tell the actual story.

Our story is a little different!  The Hubster wasn’t even in the country!!!

With IVF, I was VERY regulated.  I had daily shots and blood draws and ultrasounds telling me how my body was doing.  After about 2 weeks of daily shots, I had to give myself the trigger shot (1 1/2in needle in my leg…which took a while to actually get up the nerve to do it) and then 2 days later I went in for the retrieval.  They retrieved 16 eggs, 13 were mature enough to fertilize, 7 actually accepted the fertilization, and only 3 were good enough to transfer.  We knew ahead of time that we were going to transfer 3 eggs if possible…so that’s what we did.  The embryologist gave us pictures of our three potential babies…at 5 days of life!!!!

I was blessed enough to have my Mom be able to take time off of work for the transfer, because afterward, I was on STRICT bed-rest for 4 days!!!  I was ONLY allowed to get up and go to the bathroom…no showers…no nothing.  Four days on the couch!

But I’m getting ahead of myself…the transfer itself was one of the most emotional things I have EVER gone through.  As soon as the Doctor and the Embryologist said everything was complete and everything looked great…I broke down.  The enormous weight of what I had been through finally came to a head…and I just laid there crying and praying that everything would be successful!

Then…it was the 2 week wait…which is the longest 2 weeks I’ve ever had to experience.  Twelve days into the 14 days of waiting I couldn’t wait any longer…and cheated.

But then I had to wait for the Doctor’s appointment and the “official” yes…but that was the BEST phone call I’ve EVER gotten!!!!  Watch the video 🙂

WE ARE GOING TO BE PARENTS!!!!!!!!!!

 

Choosing to be an Army Spouse and NOT the Soldier…

Surprisingly, this was a difficult decision and transition for me.  I’ve worked so hard to be recognized as the Soldier and not just the Army spouse (hard when you look like a girl when not in uniform, and not like a Soldier…guys have it so much easier in this aspect).  On Black Friday, I decided to actually buy (and made a commitment to wearing) T-Shirts from Bravo Tango Tees (I would recommend them to anyone who’s patriotic!!!  Or really anyone for that matter…) declaring that I was an Army Spouse.

This is no way, shape, or form has anything to do with wanting attention brought to myself…this has EVERYTHING to do with the fact that the other half of me is in Afghanistan right now and I’m not.

This is the first time in our marriage that we have not been deployed at the same time…and it’s a VERY new experience.  I’ve found in the short time he’s been gone that I prefer to be deployed.  I don’t like to be the spouse sitting at home and taking care of everything.  I would MUCH rather be deployed, doing the job that I was trained to do.  And to be honest, even with the danger of being over there, it’s much easier to do that job then sit back at home and worry about them!

Don’t get me wrong, I still have to do my job and go to work in uniform everyday…but my mindset has changed a bit.

So…for the next little bit (however long the hubster is there) I am a proud Army Spouse.  I’m always proud of the job he does and am always tooting his horn (no matter the cost of embarrassment on his part)…but I’m choosing to do it a little more blatantly to strangers and not just the people we know.

 

Letter to a Friend

If you’re blessed enough to be given the opportunity to tell someone how much they mean to you before they leave this world – TAKE IT!.  Let NOTHING stand in your way!

About two months ago my world was rocked by the announcement from my college professor that he had been diagnosed with terminal cancer.  I made a few comments on his Facebook page and always meant to write him an actual letter telling him how much he changed my life – but life seemed to get in the way…There was training and a trip to MI (where I didn’t go see him) and then a month in the field…I was busy!

The morning of the 16th of July as I was getting ready to sleep – it hit me that I hadn’t written him and I had this hole in my gut – not a sinking feeling, but a HOLE…somehow I knew he would never get that letter.  Around 0230 the morning of the 17th I had the rare opportunity to get on the internet and my fears were realized – he had passed away less than 24 hours prior!

I decided to write the letter anyways.  Even though Prof isn’t going to read this on any earthly plane, I pray that he gets the message.

Dear Prof,

I was extremely saddened by your passing and I’m sorry I didn’t make writing this letter more of a priority. 

I am so thankful for the opportunity I had to be your student.  There area so many memories that come to mind – but the most important one and the incident that impacted me the most was your tough love of a failing grade.  For so long I coasted through life and could talk my way out of anything, but you saw through the BS and held my feet to the fire!  Thank you for that!  Even though it sucked, I learned so much about myself that semester.

You were one of the first people who gave me permission to do what I wanted to and to not live my life for other people.  While it took me a couple of years to make that step – I will never forget that you were influential in that most life changing decision.  On top of that, your writing to me on my first deployment and the support you gave for my change in profession was so appreciated! 

I really could go on and on about how you helped shape my life even if you didn’t know it, but really I just want to say Thank You for your guidance, support, and friendship. 

Professor Michael G. McGuire, you will be greatly missed!!!

 

Decisions…

Some are hard, some are easy, and some just suck no matter what decision you make.

As military families we’re always making decisions, but it seems we make more of the decisions that “suck no matter what” than any other kind.  Decisions to move ahead of our spouse, to split leave in two locations thus killing two birds with one stone, and many other…and more often than not, those decisions back up against decisions the Military makes for us.

I was speaking, well rather texting, with my bestest friend this morning who is also a military spouse, about the decisions we’ve made recently that we regret but know they are for the best.

– She and her spouse are in the midst of a move across the country and rather than paying rent for the next couple of months after their lease expired, they chose for her and the kiddos to pack up and move in with her family while Mr. Marine stays back finishes up his assignment and then they’ll travel to their new home in a couple of months.  By doing this, they can save money and she and the kiddos get much-needed/deserved family time – total bonus.  The suck for this side is that she’s without her Marine.  But if they would have stayed, while she would have been with her life partner, the money they were paying for rent would have increased, and aunts and uncles wouldn’t have met their newest nephew.  SUCK no matter what decision…but GOOD on both sides.

– Hubster and I decided that we would go separate ways for our upcoming leave.  He’s going to spend two MUCH DESERVED weeks with the boyz, doing father-son stuff, and I’m going to MI to take the dogs to my parent’s and spend some time with family.  That on its own was a great decision…then the military decided to make theirs…I’m scheduled for school from August 6-September 28 in Arizona.  So our schedule for the next 15 months is such: We leave for JRTC (mini deployment) on the 25th of June…are back the 28th of July…I leave the 4th of August…and am back the 30th of September…and we go STRAIGHT into deployment prep/deployment for 9 months.  That’s when our original decision, while totally great, now sucks cause that’s less time we’re together because while, yes, we are deploying together, we’re going to two separate locations.

I’m not sharing these decisions for sympathy…cause that’s not what this is about…it all about the sucky decisions we make.  Add to that the fact that the CHOICE to separate is soooooooooooo much harder than HAVING to separate.  While it sucks, we’re ok with HAVING to separate due to deployments, but the CHOICES to be apart make the nights seem so much longer.

 

Catching Up…

SO MUCH HAS HAPPENED!!!!

Our car was set on fire ,

we moved from NY down to TN ,

ran a couple of races   , signed into our new unit ,

my brother got married ,

and we rode in Rolling Thunder .

And now we are in the busiest part of our training cycle…that means trips to JRTC (a 30 day mini deployment) and then back to restart the process to get ready for deployment.  Throw into that a 2 month trip for me (Emily) to AZ one week after we get back from JRTC.

I’m still trying to run, and I start college classes at the end of September, and I’m still fooling around with the idea of starting my own little business…I’m not sure if life is ever going to slow down again 🙂  And Al is just as busy as I am…some of it together and some of it separate.

As busy as we are…we really understand how amazing life is and while things have been crazy…we wouldn’t change it for the world.

An amazing woman in my life wrote a blog about 35 in 35…the 35 things she wanted to do before she turns 35…and that got me to thinking…maybe I’ll come up with 40 in 40 (since I turn 35 in 3 months!!!!)…hopefully this will motivate me to write more!

 

Where to Start…

Sometimes things are so overwhelming I just don’t know where to start, so most of the time I don’t.  I spend so much time figuring out the perfect place to start that I don’t ever get around to starting.  I over-think and over plan, and freak out, and worry, then I just shut down because it’s too much.  Some of the most recent things that come to mind are:

• We are moving in approximately 24 days, I have no clue where to start even figuring out where to start.
• We have to get the house ready to rent it out…I know we have to redo floors and stuff…but come on, I have no clue.
• My devotional and prayer life are non-existent right now and I have no clue where to start to get back on the right track.
• And so many more things that seem to be overwhelming when they shouldn’t be.

Thankfully, one thing I’ve recently realized, that I wish wouldn’t have taken me 34 years, is that I just have to start.  It doesn’t matter where, or if I’m as organized as I would like to be, or anything else…JUST START.  Things will work themselves out.  My stuff will get packed and moved, my house will be ready for new people to live in, my personal relationship with God will be renewed, and I will figure out the other jumble of stuff that’s in my head right now.  All I have to do is START!!

 

The STINK in Afghanistan…

isn’t really the country…it’s the poo pond which is located 1/4 of a mile down the road from the room I’m living in right now. That’s right…the human waste POO pond…and when the wind changes direction it literally takes your breath away…like all of the oxygen gets taken out of the air. You don’t want to smell it, but you don’t want to breathe through your mouth either because you suddenly remember what you learned in science class all those years ago about smell being made of particles of what you’re smelling…so if you breathe that stuff through your mouth you’re actually breathing in pieces of poo…and then you wish you could just quit breathing all together for a bit!
Then you begin to realize how unfortunate poo is such a part of life…everyone does it…and the food here has a different effect of everyone. And we are grateful that we have this food and not the food that others have on other remote compounds here in Afghanistan, but it’s still not the food our bodies are used to back home, so our systems are still getting used to it…so we are adding to that smell…so really it’s our own fault it smells so bady here!!! And it smells so BAD here!
But lets put this into perspective…We started pulling guard on our vehicles in front of an American flag that gets lowered to half-mast everytime a hero is brought onto KAF, which has happened on more than one occasion since we have started pulling this guard. If the smell of everyone’s poo is the worst thing I have to deal with for a year, then so be it. I can deal with stink while other people are putting their lives in danger every single moment of every single day.

 

Buses

What do buses mean to you? I know they mean a lot of different things, and people have many different memories when it comes to buses.

My thoughts on buses have changed. I don’t like them anymore. To me they signal a separation. Schools for 9 months, deployments for 18 months, or the beginning of a deployment when the separation lasts only for 2 weeks. Regardless, it’s a separation.

I’m very thankful that this particular bus will only take him away for 2 weeks, God willing. But this means that I get to do all of the stuff that’s needed, by myself. (He did all of this stuff after I left the last time and I really have no clue what he did.) Al is so organized and he’s always thinking towards the big picture…I’m not like that. But somehow I have to think of all of the things that need to be done to close our house for a year, suspend everything that we use, and somehow pack all of the stuff that I need for the next year. I’m so overwhelmed!

I’ve been asking Al the same questions for months to make sure that I know everything I need to do…I’m sure by this time he thinks I’m really slow! I just want to make sure that I don’t do something wrong…this is our house! But I so love that man of mine…because as I started thinking of these things after he got on that bus he sent me an email with a list of things, just to remind me so I wouldn’t worry so much!

But like I said…I HATE those buses and yet I can’t wait to get on mine!